reference humor

i realized today after making a string of unrelated jokes involving the talented mr. ripley, weekend at bernie's, and some other movie that is so inconsequential the name escapes my memory that nearly all jokes that i make are a reference in one way or another. i am a shitty, low-rent version of community.

i can't even self-criticize without referencing something.

only dumb people live in texas

"i'm not an idiot. i have a high school diploma and some college credits"

congratulations ma'am you have convinced me that you are my intellectual equal.

i also realized that the two people i texted after being told this line both dropped out of college so they are literally her. irony, right?

real talk

"hello my name is john treasure, as in the island"

this is the shit i have to do with at work.

open idea

People should be allowed to punch the person in the face who first came up with the idea of raising the volume for commercials during TV shows. That guy is an asshole and deserves to be shamed.

He is almost as bad as the person who invented Comic Sans.

plans

I'm going to be in California from the 3rd until the 12th. And I will be in New York City from the 13th until some date I still have to determine but likely sometime between the 18th and 23rd.

freelance writer

I've been doing freelance writing to make money. Except this is writing in the lowest sense of the word. It's less writing and more writing terrible how to guides for 15 bucks a pop. They only take me 20-30 minutes to write so it's a good deal fiscally. It's also incredibly soul crushing as I churn out shitty article after shitty article. On the bright side I get to use a nom de plume.

san antonio is terrible