stockholm syndrome

so if stockholm syndrome is when you're held captured by someone against your will and soon you sympathize with your capturer, what is it called when you're held somewhere against your will (financially) and you still hate everyone and everything? because i have that.

i'll find out about grad school by june 15 at the latest so around that date i'm either buying an airplane ticket out of texas or packing my car and driving back to california.

apparently i killed someone

the best part about having a job where you have to help people who fucked up is that they inevitably blame you for their mistakes. normally it just involves being yelled at, which i'm cool with because at the point i usually pull up reddit and just dick around until they've gotten it out of their system. occasionally they request to speak with a supervisor which i'm also cool with because that means less work for me.

what i'm not cool with is being accused of assisted homicide. i had one person who messed up and ordered a bunch of trial offers for diet products. news flash people: everything that you buy over the phone is a scam. needless to say after a few months her credit limit was maxed. while she cried on the phone about how i need to help her she started saying i was killing her. now i'm one that's prone to hyperbole so i thought to myself this is no big deal.

but she was relentless. she had just recovered from a heart attack and with this "large debt" looming over her head she was going to head back to the hospital. her fate rested on my ability to recover her vast fortune.

so i'm not expecting her to live much longer.

gym msuic

normally when i go to the gym i listen to a podcast or a history lecture off of itunes university because it keeps me distracted from the fact that i'm waking up at 5:00am every day to lift weights yet still look like i belong on a sally struthers commercial. every now and then though i forget my headphones and i am treated to listening to terrible, terrible gym music.

i would gladly double my gym membership fee just so thought on the rare occasion i forget my headsphones i don't have to lift weights and listen to smashmouth. or baha men.

i get that gold's gym caters to a wide variety of people of all ages, genders, and races, and the fact that the gym is located in texas so it's at least 3 years behind most popular culture (a big improvement over my time spent in new hampshire that is at least 9 years behind the times. i'm pretty sure they're just getting over tech vest right now.) but are smashmouth and baha men really appealing to anybody? they played dance forever so whoever controls the music has at least seen that youtube video and/or the even dumber version the office did (rip the office you had a great run. oh it's still on the air. my bad)

it could be worse though: if i went to a hardcore weight lifting gym they would likely be blasting dragonforce and other bands of that ilk. why can't everyone just agree that my musical taste is better and more sophisticated than theirs? #pitchfork

reference humor

i realized today after making a string of unrelated jokes involving the talented mr. ripley, weekend at bernie's, and some other movie that is so inconsequential the name escapes my memory that nearly all jokes that i make are a reference in one way or another. i am a shitty, low-rent version of community.

i can't even self-criticize without referencing something.

only dumb people live in texas

"i'm not an idiot. i have a high school diploma and some college credits"

congratulations ma'am you have convinced me that you are my intellectual equal.

i also realized that the two people i texted after being told this line both dropped out of college so they are literally her. irony, right?

real talk

"hello my name is john treasure, as in the island"

this is the shit i have to do with at work.

open idea

People should be allowed to punch the person in the face who first came up with the idea of raising the volume for commercials during TV shows. That guy is an asshole and deserves to be shamed.

He is almost as bad as the person who invented Comic Sans.